Another Pre-stardom Alert

Turns out Anna Gunn (Walt's wife in the epic show "Breaking Bad") is Jerry's girlfriend in the 1992 episode The Glasses.

Yet another actor casted in Seinfeld before their career took off (16 years in this case).

And somehow, she doesn't appear to have aged a bit.

Kramer's Personas

       

Dr. Martin Van Nostrand	H.E. Pennypacker

Two of his most memorable here.

Jerry's Least-Favorite Episode

In a recent interview, Jerry revealed The Alternate Side to be his least favorite Seinfeld episode. Apparently having fun with Elaine's boyfriend who was having a stroke made him uncomfortable in the season three episode. Check out the clip below, which also features some other fun stuff about the longest he has been master of his own domain, and which Seinfeld character had the worst breath.

Every car...

46 to be exact! Lots of oldies and BMWs. Click image for story.

The Geography of Seinfeld

Find out here where things went down.

Click for map.

Good starting place is Jerry's apartment, near 81st and Columbus.

Find anything else good?

Elaine Destroys George

Showmanship, George

When you hit that high note, you say goodnight and walk off.

Read about Jason Alexander zinging Mitt Romney!

Sad news regarding Mr. Krueger

Failed suicide attempt.

Read about it and listen to his 911 call here

The Science of Seinfeld

Click here for the top 7 life lessons we learned from the show

RIP Mr. Pitt

You will be missed

Sometimes it grows back

Kramer freakin out again

Kramer Freaks Out to Dubstep - watch more funny videos

Kramer thrown for a loop

Jason Alexander is back...

...as Donny Clay:

Check out the video (complete with some gooood slappin') here

Is anyone here a marine biologist?

George is lucky he didn't go to the clink.

Then of course with evolution the octopus lost the nostrils and took on the more familiar look that we know today. But if you look really closely you can still see a bump where the nose use to be. But enough about fish, I can talk about other things like...architecture.

Seinfeld Inspired Print

These pixels are making me thirsty.

When Will it End?

As much as we love our show, we come to the realization that sooner or later, Seinfeld will no longer be aired in syndication. It's been 13 years since the show ended, and thankfully it's still shown daily on TBS and your local Fox station. But at some point, the show will be removed from our daily TV schedule and officially become a relic of the past. So the question is, when? Let's hope it's later rather than sooner, but we are coming closer and closer as the years go by. And while the show still seems somewhat relevant to modern times, it's becoming less and less so through the years.

Your thoughts?

Kramer's feelings on LA

seductress ... siren ... virgin ... whore!

Reflections from Jerry Stiller

Jerry owning suspenders guy

Looks like jay can get back to business

Kramer: It's a verbal contract. We had a deal.
Elaine: No we didn't. You take these things too literally. It's like saying, you're hungry enough to eat a horse.
Kramer: Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time. He gets it from his butcher.

Click for the big news

A complete guide to jerry's sneakers

Check out analysis of 50 not-so-subtle product placement opportunities here >

Slippery Nihilist

Peter Stormar, who plays "Slippery Pete" in The Frogger from Season 9 is also the lead nihilist in The Big Lebowski.

  

Julia

Mary Heart, seizures, et al.

In the season three episode The Good Samaritan we witness Kramer suffer a seizure when hearing Mary Heart's voice.

This is actually something you should look out for, as in 1991, the New England Journal of Medicine reported that Mary Hart's voice had triggered seizures in an epileptic woman.

A country divided

Nice representation from Del Boca Vista

Notes on "The Invitations"

Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, a confessed fan of the show, long portrayed on Seinfeld by the voice of Larry David, filmed scenes for a guest appearance in this episode, but none of the footage made it to air. Reportedly, Steinbrenner disapproved of the morbid plot twist in which Susan is killed; and the gang's apparent indifference towards it. Steinbrenner has publicly stated his objections to the story several times, and said that is the reason he refused to allow his cameo to be shown.

Babs Kramer

Interesting background info for Kramer's mother

She was known for being 20th Century Fox's answer to Marilyn Monroe from 1954 to 1956.

      

Seinfeld character map

This one may take the cake! Click for larger view...

Lesser known Sein facts

Nice list:

Five things you didn't know about seinfeld

Phase II

Nice job

Stream very episode!

Not sure how this has passed me by, but here is the ultimate resource, organized by season:

Watch em all

Well done, kind sirs.

Kramer's Jerry Impressions

MI Bottle Scam

One of the best (and worst) schemes hatched by Kramer and Newman...

Scene 1:

NEWMAN: Wait a minute. You mean you get five cents here, and ten cents there. You could round up bottles here and run 'em out to Michigan for the difference.
KRAMER: No, it doesn't work.
NEWMAN: What d'you mean it doesn't work? You get enough bottles together...
KRAMER: Yeah, you overload your inventory and you blow your margins on gasoline. Trust me, it doesn't work.
JERRY: Hey, you're not talking that Michigan deposit bottle scam again, are you?
KRAMER: No, no, I'm off that.
NEWMAN: You tried it?
KRAMER: Oh yeah. Every which way. Couldn't crunch the numbers. It drove me crazy.

Scene 2:

NEWMAN: I don't understand. You fill an eighteen-wheeler?
KRAMER: No, an eighteen-wheeler's no good. Too much overhead. You got permits, weigh-stations, tolls... Look, you're way outta your league.
NEWMAN: I wanna learn. I want to know why.

Scene 3:

KRAMER: A free truck? Oh boy, that completely changes our cost structure. Our G and A goes down fifty percent.
NEWMAN: We carry a coupla bags of mail, and the rest is ours!
KRAMER: Newman, you magnificent bastard, you did it!

Fictitious Seinfeld Episode Plots

Very fun Twitter feed of plots for shows that never (but could have) happened. I hear he takes requests!

Check it out here.

Sein Quiz

Click for a Sein quiz

Easy!

Jerry's Archives

Jerry is posting three of his own favorite stand-up bits a day on www.jerryseinfeld.com.

In his words:

When I was ten years old, I started watching stand up comedians on TV. I fell in love with them and I'm just as fascinated with stand up comedy today. When I started doing TV, I saved every appearance on every show I did. I thought it might be fun to go through all of it and pick out three bits each day that still amuse me for some reason or another. I've also included stuff I'm doing now, and I'll be adding new stuff as I go. Somewhere out there are ten year olds like I was just waiting to get hooked on this strange pursuit. This is for them. I'm just hoping somehow it will keep this silliness going.

The sociology of seinfeld

Yes, it's a real college course! Click for course description.

The best part:

Due to the high demand of the class, we will administer a Seinfeld trivia quiz on the first day to see who makes it. 17 spots allocated for upper division and 15 spots allocated for lower division.

thanks erik!

Jerry's first national tv appearance

Clip from 1977. Check out the glasses - and the much thicker NY accent.



thanks to boblord!

That's what makes this so difficult

Only getting better

Prognosis Negative!

"Prognosis: Negative" - the film Elaine wants to see with Jerry, is also the name of an unproduced screenplay Larry David wrote in which the main character wrongly assumes a negative medical prognosis is a bad thing.

Which must have also spurred this one:

GEORGE: This is George Costanza, I'm calling for my test results. Negative? Oh, my God. WHY! WHY! WHY? What? What? Negative is good?

The Sniffing Accountant

This episode was actually based on a true story. In real life, Jerry Seinfeld's accountant stole money (about $50,000) from him to buy drugs, thus inspiring the main plotline for this episode.

"My accountant, whose name I won’t mention (not that he doesn’t deserve the infamy) stole I think fifty thousand dollars from me, and snorted it up his nose...[I] just gave him an envelope of cash, and never saw it again. And I used to talk about that guy and how much I hated him, so he became the Sniffing Accountant. That was some measure of revenge."

The Real soup nazi opening up shop in SF

Better start brushing up on your ordering skills.

Click for article.

Michael Richards Retrospective

Terrible...yet amazing. Let's revisit.

One last episode

In the spirit of the Curb-Sein reunion, thought it was time to revisit the "last last" show. It really was like getting one more Sein episode, 11 years later!

Peterman reality tour

The idea for this storyline was inspired by the real Kenny Kramer who, to capitalize on the success of his fictional counterpart, began a "Kramer Reality Bus Tour." In it, Kenny Kramer drives tourists around to sites that were also mentioned on the show while sharing anecdotes about his own life.

Big trouble in little seinfeld

Behind the scenes of the Curb-Sein reunion

...thanks Brassil!

Bracket Time!

Click for larger view...

Julia Louis-Dreyfus 5th Greatest TV Chick

5. Elaine Benes
'Seinfeld' (1990-98) | Played By: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
From her biting quips to her famous "Get out!" shoves, Elaine always let her male cohorts -- Jerry, Kramer and George -- know that she was the one with the hand in the group.

Click for article

Bloopers...Continued!

Season 6 - Part 1
Season 6 - Part 2
Season 6 - Part 3
Season 7 - Part 1
Season 7 - Part 2
Season 7 - Part 3
Season 8 - Part 1
Season 8 - Part 2
Season 8 - Part 3
Season 9 - Part 1
Season 9 - Part 2
Season 9 - Part 3

Epic Blooper Reel

Awesome outtakes!

Season 1
Season 2
Season 3 - Part 1
Season 3 - Part 2
Season 4 - Part 1
Season 4 - Part 2
Season 4 - Part 3
Season 5 - Part 1
Season 5 - Part 2

Larry David Sighting

Another LD cameo ... this time as the voice of the car thief in The Alternate Side from season 3:

Car thief: Hello?
Jerry: Hello? Is this 555-8383?
Car thief: I have no idea.
Jerry: Can I ask you a question?
Car thief: Sure.
Jerry: Did you steal my car?
Car thief: Yes I did.
Jerry: You did?!
Car thief: I did.
Jerry: That's my car!
Car thief: I didn't know it was yours.
Jerry: What are you gonna do with it?
Car thief: I dunno, drive around.
Jerry: Then can I have it back?
Car thief: Mmmm, nah, I'm gonna keep it.

RIP, Uncle Leo

You'll be missed

Bringing back an older post in memoriam:

Click for post

Tee's

Ukraine is weak	Jerk store
Kramerica	Vandelay

Jerry Rants

A few classic Jerry rants...

JERRY: I can't take it anymore! She's driving me crazy! I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I'm here, I'm climbin the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest - something's gotta give!

JERRY: I don't know what to believe! You're eating unions, you're spotting dimes, I don't know what the hell is going on.

JERRY: George, this is a little too much for me - escaped convicts, fugitive sex...I got a cockfight to focus on.

Nexus of the Universe

KRAMER: Hey, I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.

Perhaps you'd like to keep the tape

Look at the height, Jerry, the extension! Now watch the tuck. Handstand, half-turn, giant into a straddle, back into another handstand. Nice kip. Reverse hecht. Oh, nice leg extension, good form! Now, here comes the big dismount. Look at the rotation, full in, double back, and she sticks the landing! (silence) Perhaps you'd like to keep the tape? (silence) Well, I'll take that as a yes.

I don't know too many monkeys who can take apart a fuel injector

Uncle Leo!?

Callin the cops on you!

George's Brother

Though never seen, George has mentioned his brother in two episodes, both in season three:

"The Parking Space"
George: I don't know, I just can't. Nobody in my family can pay for parking, it's a sickness. My father never paid for parking; my mother, my brother, nobody. We can't do it.

"The Suicide"
RULA (psychic): Who’s Pauline?
GEORGE: Pauline?...Wait a minute. I got it. My brother once impregnated a woman named Pauline.

Old pals

The Soup Nazi is BACK

You're pushing your luck, little man.

RIP Steinbrenner

In honor of the passing of George Steinbrenner, below are a couple lesser known Big Stein facts:

At one point George describes Steinbrenner by saying, "No one knows what this guy's capable of; he fires people like it's a bodily function!" Nevertheless, the real Steinbrenner maintained that he was a fan of the show and that "Costanza is always welcome back." In one episode ("The Wink"), the Steinbrenner character mentions all of the people he fired, saying Billy Martin four times, and mentions then-current manager Buck Showalter, but then quickly swears George to silence. Though intended as a joke, the comment proved prophetic: just weeks after the episode aired, Steinbrenner did not bring back Showalter as Yankees manager and replaced him with Joe Torre.

The real Steinbrenner had filmed three scenes for the Seinfeld season 7 finale, "The Invitations", but they were edited out when the time of the original episode ran higher than the allowed time, and when Steinbrenner expressed disapproval of the plot about Susan's death (they can be seen in full on the Seinfeld Season 7 DVD Disc 4).

A few clips:

Seinbrenner sitting with the Costanzas
Best of rants, Part I
Best of rants, Part II

Great list of Seinfeld-world movies

That should be made. Click for list.

Top 10 sports episodes

What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!?

Click for article

Killin mofos

In "The Masseuse" (1993), Elaine suggests that her boyfriend change his name from Joel Rifkin to "O.J." Rifkin (after O.J. Simpson) to avoid being confused with Joel Rifkin, the famous serial killer. Ironically, seven months later, O.J. Simpson was accused of murder and became one of the most famous alleged murderers in US history.

thanks to joeshea for inspiration

Frantic calls

When George was in an especially bad situation, he would call Jerry with a frantic string of ridiculous issues, always eliciting the same response from Jerry. Below are a few examples, including Jerry getting a taste of it himself from Elaine.

George: Jerry! The Japanese guys had sake in the hot-tub! You gotta get 'em outta the drawers and get 'em down here, or I don't have a focus group to sell the pilot to Japanese TV!
Jerry: Uncle Leo?
George: Jerry!!

George: Jerry, I'm trapped under my desk. Steinbrenner is in the room. You got to help me!
Jerry: Who is this?
George: Jerry!!

George: Jerry! Jerry, my-my hair dryer ruined the picture! An' I need another one or I can't get back into the forbidden city!
Jerry: Who is this?
George: Jerry!!

Jerry: Elaine, you’ve got to get back down to the dealer. Puddy is screwin’ me on this car, which is YELLOW now!
Elaine: Who is this?
Jerry: Elaine!!

Evil Kramer

While it's true that Kramer carried out a number of wacky schemes (bladder system for oil tankers, filling his mailbox with bricks), he also came up with a few truly sinister and malicious plots as well. A few that come to mind:

- Breaking steam valve to sabotage his former employer H&H Bagels
- Marking down prices at Putamayo ... and when that didn't work:
- Removing desicants from clothing pockets at Putamayo
- Scratching serial number off engine block and abandoning car
- Mail fraud involving Jerry's home stereo and the Post Office "write off"
- Filling laundrymat washing machine with concrete

George: The Trailer!

Do you ever yearn?

Seinfeld March Madness

Fill out your bracket... personally I don't know how Mulva got a 1 seed, the selection committee seems a little suspect.

(click image for larger version)



Thanks to Erik B. for this awesome one.

99 Seinfeld References

How many can you list?



Click here for answer key

The Clip Shows

Sort of little greatest hits episodes - in all there were 4 clip shows: the first two marking the show's 100th and 101st episodes, and the second two which aired the two weeks before the final episodes. Click episode names below for descriptions:

The Highlights of 100 - 1995 - Season 6
The Clip Show - 1998 - Season 9

Well, TIMMY...

I don't dip that way.

Two Parters

A select few episodes were broken into two part episodes, almost creating mini Seinfeld movies. The 6 pairs below aired a week apart - click episode names for show breakdown:

The Trip - 1992 (Season 4)
The Pilot - 1993 (Season 4)
The Raincoats - 1994 (Season 5)
The Cadillac - 1996 (Season 7)
The Bottle Deposit - 1996 (Season 7)
The Finale - 1998 (Season 9)

Jerry - Then and Now

HELLO

A secondary character that doesn't always get his due, Jerry's Uncle Leo appeared in 15 total episodes. His name is never revealed, only referred to as simply Uncle Leo. In an episode where Leo signs for a package of Jerry's, he actually signs it "Uncle Leo". In another episode, Jerry mentions Leo to Kramer. Kramer is initially confused, but upon remembering he says, "Oh, yeah. Right. Uncle Leo. Forgot his first name." He often brags about his son Jeffrey who works in the parks department (and is never actually seen on the show). When talking to people, he has a tendency to grab the person's arm and pull them in close - one of his many uncomfortable mannerisms.

(thanks to joeshea for inspiration)

Best ever?

George: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.

Jerry: Mammal.

George: Whatever.

Kramer: Well, what did you do next?

George: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.

Kramer: What is that, a Titleist? ... hole in one, huh?

Random one time friends

Sometimes random friends of Jerry and Elaine pop up once, then are never seen or heard from again. For example, Jerry's poker friends in The Opposite and Elaine's girlfriends in The Cigar Store Indian. Who are these people? All we know is they appear in single episodes, and then - like the wind - are never heard from again.

Location of Jerry's apartment

View Larger Map

100 Quotes!

Jerry and George projects

Over the seasons, George and Jerry devised a number of shameless schemes to get what they wanted. A few are listed below, click titles for show descriptions.

- The Race - pretending not to have seen each other since high school and recount race winner
- The Roommate Switch - seeking to do the impossible
- The Marine Biologist - notable because George didn't know about this one until after Jerry rolled it out
- The Summer of George - George uses his newly found time to act as Jerry's relationship intern
- The Burning - George has Jerry use the same "it's me" line as his girlfriend, and Jerry has George practice showmanship and "leave on a high note"

Seinfeld dictionary

Click for great list of Seinfeld world terminology

Unseen characters

Great list of mentioned but never seen Seinfeld characters:

Click for list

... you and your good time buddies.

Bloopers

Shark Jumping?

While most agree that seasons 4-7 (1992-1995) could be considered the four year Seinfeld peak, the season when the show lost it's way is debated. This transition could probably best be seen when when the big four started to become "characters of themselves". Examples could be Kramer more "out there" than normal (millennium party), George's anger going over the top (candy bar lineup), and Elaine fed up with her crew (bizzaro world). This may have actually happened before the departure of Larry David (season 8 - 1996) - possibly including his final year for season 6, which might explain a motive for his departure. Your thoughts?

Gather round the pole

Product placement?

Rold Gold pretzels ... ever wonder if the inclusion of George eating Rold Gold pretzels (quite prominently) was a coincidence? From an "internet" reference:

Okay, so what's the deal with Rold Gold pretzels? Jason Alexander's Rold Gold TV ad spots first aired in September 1993 — the same month he was seen eating the pretzels on the show (in episode 64). Isn't that a little fishy? "That was definitely a coincidence," says Monica Neufang, PR manager at Frito-Lay, parent company of Rold Gold. "As the number-one pretzel in the U.S., it's natural that if you're going to grab for a pretzel to be on the show, you're going to go with the leader." HMMMMMM.

And further investigation:

A recurring feature of Seinfeld was its use of specific products as plot points, especially various candy products. These products might be a central feature of a plot narrative (e.g. Junior Mints, Twix and Pez), or associating the candy with a guest character (e.g. Oh Henry! bars), or simply discussing the merits of the candy in a conversational aside (e.g. Chuckles). Examples of non-candy products featured in Seinfeld are Rold Gold pretzels (whose advertisements at the time featured Jason Alexander), Kenny Rogers Roasters (a chicken restaurant chain), Drake's Coffee Cakes, Bosco, Snapple, Specialized Bicycles, Ovaltine, Arby's, TV Guide, the board game Risk, Entenmann's and the J. Peterman clothing catalog (which actually went bankrupt whilst the show was still active). The computers in Jerry's apartment are always Apple Computers, which were changed every few seasons.

Little Known Fact #3

In The Calzone (1996), Jerry's hot girlfriend Nicki (Danette Tays) appeared in a 1990s Rold Gold Pretzel commercial with Jason Alexander. Full circle right there.

Ari Gold is George Costanza

We didn't know him then, but we do now - which makes it way funnier.
Also, sweatpant perfection.

Gone...and back

Sometimes characters would disappear for a while, and then resurface again years later.

Elaine's annoying actress roommate Tina appeared in a couple early episodes, the last in 9/25/91, and then randomly popped up again 5/19/94 one last time.

Putty made his first appearances in 1995 (the last in 5/11/95), then disappeared for a few years and showed up again 1/8/98, when he became a featured character.

Which did I miss?

Employment

George: You know how these interoffice politics work.
Jerry: No. I never had a job.

Unlike Jerry, George and Elaine were involved in a few lines of employment. Here they are, in chronological order:

George:
Real estate agent for Rick Bahr Properties ("Drink up!")
Pendent Publishing ("I gotta plead ignorance on this thing...")
Kruger Industrial Smoothing ("I could go either way with you...but what the hell, we need someone")
The New York Yankees ("George likes his chicken spicy")
Play Now Sporting Goods ("I'll see you in hell, Costanza")

Elaine:
Pendent Publishing, for Mr. Lippman
Personal Assistant to Mr. Pitt
The Peterman Catalog, for Mr. Peterman

What's in a name?

A couple real life names were put to use on the show:

The real Lloyd Braun is Larry David's lawyer and manager.

The real Alec Berg was a writer for Seinfeld (and now for Curb Your Enthusiasm). In "The Face Painter", Berg's name is given to an attorney friend of Jerry's who gives him New York Rangers playoff tickets.

Though never seen (but frequently mentioned), Kramer's friend Bob Sacamano was modeled after writer Larry Charles' friend of the same name.

And most famously, the real J. Peterman was the founder of the actual J. Peterman Catalog, just like the one portrayed on the show.

What Happened to the Mets?

In the early years of the show, Jerry, George, and Kramer were die-hard Mets fans, often referencing the team, watching games on TV, and talking of attending games. Then, around season 3 or 4, suddenly and without notice, their allegiance shifted to the Yankees. While the Mets were experiencing a decline in popularity since their 1986 championship and the Yankees were on rise in the early 90s, this change was never acknowledged. Was it simply a reflection of the NYC pulse of the time, or was there more behind it?

Levels, wood, bladders, etc.

Kramer has had more than a few hair brained schemes. Here are a few, as well as some additional quotes:

The Beach cologne:

Kramer: You know I got a great idea for a cologne. The Beach. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.
Jerry: A cologne that smells like the beach. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's not a bad idea.

Wood:

Kramer: Well, I'm staining my floors and, y'know, I don't want to get my hands dirty.
George: What, the whole apartment?
Kramer: The whole apartment. And I'm buying that fake wood wallpaper. I'm gonna surround myself in wood. It's gonna be like a log cabin. 'Cuz I *need* wood around me. Wood, Jerry...wood.

Make your own pizza restaurant: (appears in season 1, and not again until season 6 - nice)

Kramer: It's a pizza place where you make your own pie! We give you the dough, the sauce, the cheese...you pound it, slap it, you flip it up into the air...you put your toppings on and you slide it into the oven.

Bladder system:

Kramer: Well, this will really free up my time so I can focus on more important things, like my bladder system.
Jerry: Alright, it’s time to go.
Kramer: Jerry, it’s not for people, it’s for oil tankers. You see the idea is for a rubber ball inside the tanker so if it crashes, the oil won’t spill out.

The Levels:

Jerry: What are you doing?
Kramer: Levels.
Jerry: Levels?
Kramer: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.

10 cent MI bottle deposit:

Kramer: A free truck? Oh boy, that completely changes our cost structure. Our G and A goes down fifty percent!
Newman: We carry a couple of bags of mail, and the rest is ours!
Kramer: Newman, you magnificent bastard, you did it!

A few other not fully realized schemes, but amazing ideas nonetheless:

Kramer: You can't get a refund. Your warranty expired two years ago.
Jerry: So were going to make the Post Office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's just a write off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they are the ones writing it off.

Kramer: You want to get outta here? Here's what we do. We leave the car here, we take the plates off, we scratch the serial number off the engine block, and we walk away.
Jerry: Walk away?
Kramer: You've got insurance. You tell them that the car was stolen, and then you get another one free.
Jerry: Isn't there a deductible?
Kramer: All right, what is your deductible?
Jerry: I don't know.
Kramer: Yes, because they've already deducted it.
Jerry: From what?
Kramer: The car, which we're leaving. So the net is zero. See - you pocket the money, if there is any, and you get a new car.

And finally:

Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.
Jerry: Wow.
George: You're Batman.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops?
Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.

Movie References

Through the seasons Seinfeld has snuck in some classic movie references. How about these:

1.

The Mom & Pop Store...
Kramer: Uh, Jerry...these nosebleeds are starting again.
Jerry: (wipes Kramer's brow) Maybe we should get you to a hospital.
Kramer: Hey, I ain't goin' to no Bellevue! Look at me, I'm fallin' apart here.

...from Midnight Cowboy
Ratso Rizzo: Just get me on a bus. You ain't sendin' me to Bellevue...That's funny? I'm fallin' apart here..

2.

The Chicken Roaster...
Elaine: I work for your mail order catalog.
Peterman: You're an errand girl, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.

...from Apocalypse Now
Willard: I'm a soldier.
Kurtz: You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.

3.

The Andrea Doria...
Jerry: Elaine, Newman is my sworn enemy. And he lives down the hall from my home - my home, Elaine! Where I sleep, where I come to play with my toys.

...from The Godfather II
Michael Corleone: My home! In my bedroom! Where my wife sleeps...and my children play with their toys.

SNL Connection

Seinfeld has had a close connection to Saturday Night Live over the years - starting with Julia herself, a cast member from 1982-1985. Larry David was a writer for the show in 1984-1985 - had this timing not worked out Elaine Benes could have been a blond.

Other SNL characters that have had roles in the show are John Lovitz (The Scofflaw - 1995), Molly Shannon (The Summer of George - 1997), Chris Parnell (The Butter Shave - 1997), Rob Schneider (The Friars Club - 1996), and Janine Garofalo (The Invitation and The Foundation - 1996).

Video Teaser for Curb-Sein Reunion

Click for video

MIA

While Jerry appeared in all 180 episodes, the other 3 major characters were not always present:

George appears in every episode except for "The Pen" (third season). In the DVD extras, Jason Alexander confessed that he told Larry David he would quit if he was ever written out of the story line again.

Kramer appeared in all but two episodes: "The Chinese Restaurant" and "The Pen", in the second and third seasons, respectively.

Elaine did not appear in three total episodes: The first episode, The Trip (Part 1) and The Trip (Part 2). Also, Elaine appears only minimally in "The Pitch" and "The Ticket", due to maternity leave.

Stepping Stone

As opposed to the brief cameos mentioned below, these semi-significant characters became well known after their roles on Seinfeld.

- Courtney Cox (Friends) as Meryl in "The Wife"

- Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives) as Sidra in "The Implant", "The Pilot, Part 1" and "Part 2", "The Finale"

- Kristin Davis (Sex and the City) as Jenna in "The Pothole" and "The Butter Shave"

- Brad Garrett (Everybody Loves Raymond) as Tony the mechanic in "The Bottle Deposit" (Parts 1 & 2)

- Catherine Keener (40-Year-Old Virgin) as Nina the Artist in "The Letter"

- Debra Messing (Will & Grace) as Beth in "The Wait Out" and "The Yada Yada"

- Amanda Peet (The Whole Nine Yards) as Linette "The Summer of George"

- Jeremy Piven (Entourage) playing George in "The Pilot" (Part 1 & 2)

- Rob Schneider (Saturday Night Live) as Bob Grossberg from J. Peterman's business affairs department in "The Friars Club"

- Molly Shannon (Saturday Night Live) as Sam in "The Summer of George" (doesn't swing her arms)

Top 20 Seinfeld Scenes of all Time

Click for TV.com article

Cameos

Some star cameo appearances that may have passed you by:

- Marcia Cross (Desperate Housewives) as Dr. Sara Sitarides in "The Slicer"

- Jon Favreau (Swingers) as Eric the Clown in "The Fire"

- Peter Krause (Six Feet Under) as Tim the limo driver in "The Limo"

- Patton Oswalt (King of Queens, stand-up) as video store clerk in "The Couch"

- Chris Parnell (Saturday Night Live) as Jay Crespi in "The Butter Shave"

- Ben Stein (Win Ben Stein's Money) as the lawyer in "The Comeback"

- French Stewart (3rd Rock from the Sun) as movie theater manager in "The Opposite"

Feels like an Arby's night

Rounding out the third of the second tier characters is Elaine's on again/off again boyfriend Puddy. First appearing in The Fusilli Jerry and The Face Painter (both 1995), Puddy disappeared for a couple years and wasn't seen again until the final season, appearing in almost half of the shows that season. Here a are a few examples of of his classic deadpan delivery.

The Face Painter (1995)

Puddy: Hey, great dip. You made this?
Elaine: No, it's from the store.
Puddy: Oh. Hey, how come people don't have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack, why can't it be a meal, you know? I don't understand stuff like that.
Elaine: David? David, I think we aught to talk.
Puddy: Alright, that's cool.
Elaine: David, I don't think we should see each other anymore.
Puddy: You gotta be kidding, how come?
Elaine: Well, you see, David, you're a face painter.
Puddy: Yeah, that's right.
Elaine: Well, it's not that I don't like you, but, well to be perfectly honest, I'm just having some trouble getting past the face painting.
Puddy: Well, alright, so you don't like the face painting, I just won't paint it anymore.
Elaine: Yeah, but you like the face painting.
Puddy: Well, I don't need to do it. It's not like a habit or anything.
Elaine: Oh. You mean you'd stop it for me?
Puddy: Yeah, that's right.
Elaine: That's so, that's so sweet.
Puddy: Alright, I gotta go home and get changed before the game. I'll be back, we'll make out.

The Dealership (1998)

Jerry: So, Putty, you're selling cars now. No more being a grease monkey.
Puddy: I don't much care for that term.
Jerry: Oh.
Puddy: Ever see a monkey put together an engine?
Jerry: No... I saw one who used sign language.
Puddy: ...Yeah... I saw that... Coco.
Jerry: Yeah, Coco.
Puddy: Yeah, Coco... That chimp's all right. High five.

The Reverse Peephole (1998)

Elaine: What's this? What happened to your fur?
Puddy: I saw Jerry wearing his. He looked like a bit of a dandy. Check this out. 8 ball. You got a question, you ask the 8 ball.
Elaine: So you're going to wear this all the time?
Puddy: All signs point to yes.

Two-Faced

A couple characters miraculously turned into different people right before our eyes:

The original Morty Seinfeld appeared in only one episode (episode 2), and was then replaced by the much funnier Morty (who eventually became Tenant Board President at Del Boca Vista).

The original Lloyd Braun who appeared in "The Nonfat Yogurt" (1993) was a much slicker version of the funnier, quirkier actor who replaced him in The Gum (1995) and "The Serenity Now" (1997).

You Know I Always Wanted to Pretend I Was an Architect

George never stopped pretending to pursue his dream of a career in architecture. Below are many of those references, and remember - it's not a lie, if you believe it.

- The Stakeout (1990)
George: You came to see me, I work in the building.
Jerry: What do you do?
George: I'm an *architect*.
Jerry: You're an *architect*?
George: I'm not?
Jerry: I don't see architecture comin' from you...

- The Marine Biologist (1994)
George: Why couldn't you have made me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect.
...
George: Yeah, but enough about fish I can talk about other things - like architecture.

- The Race (1994)
Lois: What do you do?
George: I'm an architect.
Lois: Have you designed any buildings in New York?
George: Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?
Lois: You did that?
George: Yep. And it didn't take very long either.

- The Blood (1997)
George: Well, I'm also an architect. Is that pastrami?
Vivian: Yes it is. I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats. Hungry?
George: Very.

- The Van Buren Boys (1997)
George: Besides, Steven Koren has the highest of aspirations. He wants to be ... an architect.
Wyck: Is that right?
Steven: Actually, maybe I could set my sights a little bit higher.
George: Steven, nothing is higher than an architect.
Steven: I think I'd really like to be a city planner. Why limit myself to just one building, when I can design a whole city?
Wyck: Well, that's a good point.
George: No, it's not.
Steven: Well, isn't an architect just an art school drop-out with a tilty desk, and a big ruler?
George: (defensively) It's called a T-square.

Mr. Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back

This could be the scene that best sums up Frank Costanza. Click here for his reaction to learning of his son's death from George Steinbrenner, followed by calling Jerry notifying him of the news. Is there a better Frank Costanza moment?

Mistaken Identities

Sometimes names were subtly mangled in hilarious ways:

The Watch:
Doorman: (into phone) There's a George Bonanza to see you.

The Bottle Deposit:
Susie: No daddy, you'll hurt him! I love him! (waving after Newman) Goodbye Norman, goodbye!

**Ed. update: The farmer's daughter's cry of "Goodbye, Norman! Goodbye!" at the end of the episode was not originally scripted. Actress Karen Lynn Scott forgot that Wayne Knight's character was called Newman and accidentally called him "Norman", but the goof actually made the scene funnier, so it was kept in

The Baby Shower:
Jerry: My cable hook-up? What about it?
Agent: It's been illegally installed, Mr. Steinfeld.
Jerry: It has? I've been out of town. How did you know?
Kramer: Jerry, I had to tell them. I had to. I had no choice. They were onto the scam from the very beginning.
Agent: You're in serious trouble, Mr. Steinfeld.

The Van Buren Boys:
Peterman: Peterman here.
Kramer: Mr. Peterson, you gotta sell me my stories back!

The Maid:
Man: You Steinfeld?
Jerry: Yeah.
Man: My name is Maxwell. I'm from Maid To Order. It's a pun.

The Bubble Boy:
Waitress: What's your name?
Elaine: Jerry Seinfeld.
Waitress: Gary Steinfield! I saw him on the Tonight Show.

The Package:
Kramer: Yeah. All right one chart coming up. Bennette, right?
Elaine: Benes. My last name is Benes you jackass.

The Money:
Morty: You know that number?
Kramer: I used to have a problem. (into phone) Well, what do you mean, he's not registered? Wha ... S, E, I, N, V ...
Helen: F. F, E, L, D.

The Strike:
Frank: (To George) Quiet, you'll get yours in a minute. (To Kruger) Cougar, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe ... I lost my train of thought.

That's Gold, Jerry ... Gold!

Kenny Bania. First appearing in The Soup (1994), he's the stand up comedian we love to hate. But mostly hate. The best, Jerry, the best!

The Soup:
Bania: Oh, get the swordfish. Best swordfish in the city. The best, Jerry!
Jerry: I’ll have the salmon.

The Soup Nazi:
Bania: This guy makes the best soup in the city, Jerry, the best! You know what they call him? Soup Nazi.

The Secretary:
Bania: I told you Mendy’s had the best pea soup. The best Jerry, the best!

The Fatigues:
1. Bania: Hey, Jerry! How's it going? You gonna join us for dinner? The duck here's the best. The best, Jerry!

2. Bania (reading): Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it round tine. That's gold, Jerry, gold!

Things were also reversed once in this episode. The worst:

Bania: Maybe she's right. Maybe I am a complete hack. I'm the absolute worst. The worst, Jerry.

Stand Alone Comments

Some Seinfeld lines need no setup or context - pure genius on their own.

Kramer: Jerry, you stand on the threshold of sensual delights that most men dare not dream of.

Kramer: The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one hour martinizing.

George: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?

George: You see, you see? I see things as they are and I say, 'no!'. Uh, wait, you see things as they are not and you say ... wait, uh, when you see things, do you see things as they are? What do you say when you see things?

George: You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me: I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the mood!

Phone Man: Look, I work for the phone company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic.

The 5th Player

Like "the 6th player" in basketball, Seinfeld has their "5th player", the #1 character off the bench who is just short of the starting 4. In Seinfeld, that player can be none other than Frank Costanza. Here are a few gold Frank Costanza moments:

- You know about the cups?
Frank: ...you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.
George: I-I know about the cups.
Frank: You got the A, B, C the D. That's the biggest.

- Lock, stock and barrel:
Frank: (on phone) This .. is .. Frank .. Costanza.
Morty: What do you want?
Frank: You think you could keep us out of Florida? We're moving in lock, stock and barrel. We're gonna be in the pool. We're gonna be in the clubhouse. We're gonna be all over that shuffleboard court! And I dare you to keep me out!

- Rained down blows:
Frank: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. "A Festivus for the rest of us!"

You Screwed Me Again, Pennypacker!

Other than the aforementioned Vandelay, there were a few other pseudonyms that appeared across multiple episodes:

Kramer as "Dr. Van Nostrand"

(The Slicer - 1997)
Kruger: How long have you been doing this Dr. Van Nostrand?
Kramer: Uuh, long long time. Yes, I've seen moles so big they have their own moles. Freckles that cover two men.

(The Strike - 1997)
Krueger: (recognizing Kramer from "The Slicer") Dr.. Van Nostrand?
Kramer: Uh.. that's right.

Jerry as "Kel Varnson"

(The Boyfriend - 1 - 1992)
Jerry: Vandaley Industries, Kel Varnsen speaking. May we help you? (6 year gap between mentions in this episode and The Puerto Rican Day).

Kramer as "H.E. Pennypacker"

(The Millenimum - 1997)
Kramer: Hi, I'm H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy American industrialist uh, looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru and uh, before I invest millions in a lucrative mine, I, I'd like to go a little native. Uh, Get the feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables, you know, the real uh, gritty-gritty.

Elaine: You screwed me again, Pennypacker!

(The Puerto Rican Day - 1998)
Sales Woman: Did the broker send you over?
Kramer: Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with. (sniffing wall) Mmm. Mombassa, hmm?
Sales Woman: The asking price is $1.5 million.
Kramer: Oh, I spend that much on after shave. Yes, I buy and sell men like myself every day. Now, I assume that there's a waterfall grotto?

All three come together

(The Puerto Rican Day - 1998)
Sales Woman: Mr. Pennypacker, this is Mr. Vandelay, And you know Mr. Varnsen.
Kramer: Uh, Varnsen.
Jerry: Pennypacker.
Kramer: Vandelay.
George: Pennypacker. Varnsen.

Note - there was a six year gap between Varnsen references. Impressive.

Say Vandelay! Say Vandelay!

George's famous alter ego - Art Vandelay - appeared in (at least) nine episodes, starting with episode #2 in 1990 and ending with the finale. Usually an architect, the name also sometimes played the role of Vandelay Industries, usually involved in latex.

- The Stakeout - 5/31/90 (2nd episode)
George uses Vandelay for the first time when Jerry tries to meet a woman at her office building. They say they are meeting an Art Vandelay for lunch, which Jerry mistakes as Corvelay.

- The Red Dot - 12/11/91
During an on the spot job interview with Mr. Lippman, George claims to have read "Venetian Blinds" by Art Vandelay, who is an obscure beatnik writer in the Village.

- The Boyfriend (1) - 2/12/92
At the unemployment office, George claims to be interviewing with Vandelay Industries, who is in latex manufacturing.

- The Pilot (1) - 5/20/93
In the pilot for "Jerry", the above is acted out.

- The Cadillac (2) - 1/25/96
George suggests to Elaine to use Art Vandelay as the name of her boyfriend, who is an importer-exporter.

- The Bizarro Jerry - 10/3/96
George claims to have an appointment with Art Vandelay when trying to meet the office receptionist.

- The Serenity Now - 10/9/97
During the sales competition with Lloyd Braun, George makes a sales call to Art Vandelay, who buys two dozen computers.

- The Puerto Rican Day - 5/7/98
George uses the name in order to see an apartment for sale in order to use the bathroom. There he meets H.E. Pennypacker and Kel Varnson.

- The Finale - 5/14/98
The judge trying their case is named none other than Art Vandelay.

Little Known Fact #2

Of of all 185 episodes, Male Unbonding is the only episode title to not begin with the word "The".

The price? Your soul.

Just as important as the four major cast members, don't forget about the stand out "tier two" characters. After Frank Costanza, Jay Peterman is arguably right up there on the hilarity meter (followed closely by David Puddy). Here are a few examples of the extravagant prose from one of the unsung heroes of Seinfeld.

Peterman: I'm afraid the problem with Zach is more serious. He's back on the horse, Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinaman's nightcap.

Peterman: And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand - in search of low-cost whistles. Filled his head with pseudoerotic tales of my own Opium excursions. Plus, I may have given him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.
Elaine: Look, uh, Mr. Peterman, the fact is that I was planning on breaking up with Zach anyway. He was cheating on me!
Peterman: Damn it, Elaine. That wasn't Zach. That was the yam-yam. Now, he is going cold turkey. (Ordering) And you will be at his side.

Peterman: I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You've tested positive for opium.
Elaine: Opium?
Peterman: That's right. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.

Peterman: Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul.

Caught Boozin'

Speaking of booze, the big four rarely took a drink. Here are a few select moments they were caught throwin' em back - usually against their will or out of character moments (but never involving Jerry).

- George drinking with Texas Rangers executives (The Hut Tub - 1995).
- Elaine with 6 pack of Bud slung over her back - then opens one at Jerry's (The Postponement - 1995).
- Elaine drinking Schnapps with Jerry at Monk's (to get her to open her vault).
- Elaine drinking scotch while Kramer tells her story of Billy Mumphrey (The Betrayal - 1997).
- Kramer celebrating at the bar with cast of Scarsdale Surprise (The Summer Of George - 1997)
- Kramer telling stories at bar, Elaine stops him because he sold them to Peterman (The Van Buren Boys - 1997).
- Kramer drinking Hennigans testing for odors (The Red Dot - 1991).
- Kramer drinking sake with the Japanese in the hot tub (The Checks - 1996).
- Kramer drinking beer and smoking a cigarette with the Jerry's accountant (The Sniffing Accountant - 1993).

H, E, double N - I ...

Hennigans - one of those Seinfeld-world only references that pops up in a few episodes. When there was whiskey - there was Hennigans. A few appearances below - any others?

"The Red Dot" (1991):
Kramer: Okay, well what am I drinking? What do you got?
Jerry: I got a bottle of scotch my uncle gave me. It's Hennigans. It's been here for two years. I've been using it as a paint thinner.
Kramer: That is *damn* good scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. Mmmmm, boy that Hennigans goes down smooth. And afterwords you don't even smell. That's right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigans, the no-smell, no-tell scotch.
Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. (singing) h-e-double N, I...

"The Parking Spot" (1992)
Elaine: Oh god, I need a drink, do you got any Hennigans here?
Jerry: Yeah, under the counter. What happened?

"The Boyfriend 1" (1992)
Elaine: Wait a second wait a minute, You jealous of him or you jealous of me...?
Jerry: Any Hennigans around here?

Little Known Fact

The waitress at Monk's Cafe who George thinks is giving him the finger in "The Pledge Drive" (1994) is Julia Louis-Dreyfus' half-sister (same mother).

Prognosis Negative

You gotta love the ridiculous movie titles mentioned in Seinfeld world - each sounding vaguely familiar while completely fake. You should recognize a few of these:

- Prognosis Negative
- Rochelle, Rochelle
- Sack Lunch
- Chunnel
- Blimp: The Hindenburg Story
- CheckMate
- Agent Zero
- Brown-Eyed Girl
- Chow Fun
- Cupid's Rifle
- Firestorm
- Mountain High
- Death Blow
- Cry, Cry Again
- The Pain and the Yearning
- Blame it on the Rain
- Cold Fusion
- Means to an End
- The Muted Heart
- The Other Side of Darkness
- Ponce De Leon
- Flaming Globes of Sigmund

Stealthy Larry David Appearances

Other than the voice of George Steinbrenner, Larry David found his way on to the stage a few times while remaining anonymous. Here is a list of those moments, if you know of others please comment.

In "The Gum" (as store clerk) - "I beg your pardon, your majesty, but we don't accept bills with lipstick on the president."

In "The Marine Biologist" (as voice at the beach) - "Is anyone here a marine biologist?"

In "The Airport" (as the voice on the airplane) - "Oh, You know what? *I* ordered the kosher meal. I ordered it six weeks ago, I forgot."

In "The Chinese Woman" (as man in cape) - "I'm Frank Costanza's lawyer" (also appears earlier walking with Frank in street).

In "The Pilot - Part 2" (as one of the men in the Greenpeace boat with Russell Dalrymple)

In "The Heart Attack" (as character on TV in sci-fi movie) - "Look, Sigmund. Look in the sky. The planets are on fire. It is just as you prophesied. The planets of our solar system, incinerating. Like flaming globes, Sigmund. Like flaming globes.. Ah, ha, ha, ha.."

In "The Revenge" (as Newman before Wayne Knight joined the cast) - "I'm on the roof! ... I can't. I'm going to the movies."

Kramer's Faceless Friends

Everyone knows Kramer's "friends" that you hear so much about, but never meet. "Bob Sacamano" would probably be the most famous, followed closely by "Lomez", both referenced thoughout the show's 9 seasons. But then there are also the lesser mentioned buddies, like "Jay Reimenschneider" and "Len Nicodemo", who had an unfortunate case of the gout. Below is a list of mentions of these unseen friends, please comment if I've missed any.

Lomez:

Jerry: Well why are you going?
Kramer: I'm not, I'm running it.
Jerry: What are you talking about?
Kramer: Well Lomez, he usually runs it but he's in the Everglades.
Jerry: Lomez is Jewish?
Kramer: Oh yeah yeah yeah. Orthodox, Jerry. Old school.

Jerry: What's with you?
Elaine: You remember that next door neighbor of mine, the apartment that always smells like potatoes?
Jerry: Your whole building smells like potatoes.
Elaine: This jackass goes to Paris, leaves the alarm on. It's been beeping since 3:30 this morning.
Kramer: You know, that happened to Lomez, so he blew his neighbor's circuit.
Elaine: How do you do that?
Kramer: Yeah well, that's easy. Just let me finish this mile high and I'll be right with you. Oh, and Jerry, we are gonna need a case of Kaiser rolls.
Jerry: I think we might have one left in the stock room.

Jerry: Where did you get that butcher's coat?
Kramer: You buy enough meat, they'll give you anything.
Elaine: Kramer, my neighbor has a cat. When you blew the power, we must've shut off the automatic feeder.
Kramer: See, that's the same thing that happened to Lomez.
Elaine: What did he do about it?
Kramer: Well, he moved to a hotel and the cat eventually died.
Elaine: Well, this meowing is absolutely worse than the alarm.
Kramer: Oh, that's a prickly one.

George: What's with the bucket?
Kramer: Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.
Jerry: Hot tub?
Kramer: Yeah yeah, it's in my living room. I just gotta fill it.
George: You put a hot tub... in your living room?
Kramer: Oh, it's a beauty! It's got these high-volume aqua-sage jets oscillating and pulsating, soothing your every aching muscle. The water's gonna get over 120 degrees!
George: Is that tolerable?
Kramer: Oh...it's tolerable...!

Kramer, [on the phone in the shower]: Lomez, you're not listening. Jerry likes the naked, just some of the things she does when she's naked. Calm down, I'm on your side. Geez. Hey, hold on a second. I got a clog, I'll call ya back.

Kramer: Ahh. Everyone just settle down. We have three hours left on this thing, and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at the same time. Okay. Lomez's place of worship is right on the right here.

Bob Sacamano:

Kramer: My friend Bob Sacamano had shock treatments. But his synapses were so large, it had no effect.

Kramer: Oh yeah? My friend, Bob Sacamano, he came in here for a hernia operation.. Oh yeah, routine surgery.. now he's sittin' around in a chair by a window going, "My name is Bob" .. George, whatever you do, don't let 'em cut you. Don't let 'em cut you.

Elaine: I... I think I'm... I'm having trouble swallowing. I can't... I can't swallow.
Kramer: She's got rabies, just like my friend Bob Sacamano. She's delirious.

George: This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks...Now am I wrong or is that excessive?
Kramer: Well Bob Sacamano he stayed with me once for a year and a half.

Kramer: You know my friend, Bob Sacamano?
Jerry: Oh, the guy from Jersey?
Kramer: Yeah. He just got a job at a condom factory in Edison. Look at this, he gave me a gross.

Elaine: So Kramer what am I supposed to do? If I don't have that fur hat by four o'clock they're gonna take me down like Nixon.
Jerry: You know my friend Bob Sacamano?
Elaine: I thought he was Kramer's friend.
Jerry: Well, he called last night about 3 a.m. we got to talking, he sells Russian hats down at battery park, forty bucks.
Elaine: Fourty bucks? Are they Sable?
Jerry: No, but the difference is negligible.
Kramer: Oh yeah, I like this idea.

Elaine: Hey, Jer. Are you going to this Bob Sacamano party?
Jerry: Am I going? It was three nights ago.
Elaine: What? You're kidding, I just got this invitation today.

Elaine: Would you please just get on with the stupid Bob Sacamano story?!
Kramer: Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there that I need to return this pair of pants. So, I'm off to the store.
Elaine: What happened to Bob Sacamano?
Kramer: Well, nothing. His part of the story is done.

Jerry: Kramer, I can't get that many Wizards.
Kramer: Well, what about your deal, huh?
Jerry: I didn't have a deal! They're two hundred dollars a pop. What do I do?
Kramer: Well, don't worry about it. I know a guy.
Jerry: Down here?
Kramer: Yeah, Bob Sacamano's father.

Jerry: Right. It's just an activity. It's like that paddle with the ball and the rubber band.
Kramer: You know, my friend Bob Sacamano made a fortune off of those. See he came up with the idea for the rubber band. Before that, people would just hit the ball, and it would fly away.

Spector:

Kramer: The guy's got a fat fetish. Spector never dates a woman under two hundred-fifty pounds.

Kramer: Well I just got it. Spector gave it to me, he's giving everything away...becoming a minimalist.

Misc:

Kramer: It's a verbal contract. We had a deal.
Elaine: No we didn't. You take these things too literally. It's like saying, you're hungry enough to eat a horse.
Kramer: Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time. He gets it from his butcher.

Kramer: Hey, FDR wants me to drop dead.
George: FDR?
Kramer: Yeah, Franklin Delano Romanowski.

Kramer: I'm very good with sick people. They love me. When my friend Len Nicodemo had the gout, I moved into his hospital room for three days, the doctors were amazed at his recovery.

Classic Kramer Rants

Kramer: You know, I think you're jealous.
Jerry: Of what?
Kramer: Yah, yah! You see in Little Jerry Seinfeld the unlimited future you once had. Now, just because Jerry Seinfeld is a has-been, don't make Little Jerry Seinfeld a never-was!
Jerry: Kramer, give me that rooster!
Kramer: Never! You hate him because he's doing more with your name than you ever will! Yah-yah!

Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible.
Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be.
Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Jerry: All right, that's enough.

George: You're a good friend. If you killed somebody, I wouldn't turn you in.
Jerry: Hey, Kramer, if I killed somebody, would you turn me in?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: Really?
Kramer: Well, you don't just go around killing people.
Jerry: But you know me!
Kramer: I thought that I did!

Kramer: I want you to get on this phone and give him his 'thank you'!
Jerry: No. No, I can't!
Kramer: Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side!
Jerry: Look, we got five hours before the game. I am betting it was a funeral 'hello'. He knows we're here, he knows the number, he knows we want to go. There's plenty of time for him to call and give us the tickets.
Kramer: You stubborn, stupid, silly man!

Kramer: I see....Yessss. Little Miss Candy Bar paid a visit, didn't she?
Jerry: Kramer, it is not what you think.
Kramer: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh! I know what I think. I think you're gaga over this dame. She's twisted you around her little finger, and now, you're willing to sell me, and Elaine, and whoever else you have to, right down the river.
Jerry: And what about you? Tryin' to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune, built on sweat and toil, manufacturing quality O'Henry candy bars, for honest, hard-working Americans!
Kramer: You're just out for sex!
Jerry: You're just out for money!
Kramer & Jerry: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh!

Kramer: What do I need to talk for...ha! To blab to the neighbors about George has a new fem-Jerry friend or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend.

Kramer: Well I'll tell you what I think. I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated. You blew it boy! You really blew it! And you had to ruin it for him. Didn't you?!

Jerry: So you won't believe what happened with Whatley today. It got back to him that I made this little dentist joke and he got all offended. Those people can be so touchy.
Kramer: Those people, listen to yourself.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else, in search of a dream.
Jerry: Kramer, he's just a dentist.
Kramer: Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.
Jerry: I am not an anti-dentite!
Kramer: You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know you're saying they should have their own schools.
Jerry: They do have their own schools!