Classic Kramer Rants

Kramer: You know, I think you're jealous.
Jerry: Of what?
Kramer: Yah, yah! You see in Little Jerry Seinfeld the unlimited future you once had. Now, just because Jerry Seinfeld is a has-been, don't make Little Jerry Seinfeld a never-was!
Jerry: Kramer, give me that rooster!
Kramer: Never! You hate him because he's doing more with your name than you ever will! Yah-yah!

Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible.
Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be.
Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Jerry: All right, that's enough.

George: You're a good friend. If you killed somebody, I wouldn't turn you in.
Jerry: Hey, Kramer, if I killed somebody, would you turn me in?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: Really?
Kramer: Well, you don't just go around killing people.
Jerry: But you know me!
Kramer: I thought that I did!

Kramer: I want you to get on this phone and give him his 'thank you'!
Jerry: No. No, I can't!
Kramer: Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side!
Jerry: Look, we got five hours before the game. I am betting it was a funeral 'hello'. He knows we're here, he knows the number, he knows we want to go. There's plenty of time for him to call and give us the tickets.
Kramer: You stubborn, stupid, silly man!

Kramer: I see....Yessss. Little Miss Candy Bar paid a visit, didn't she?
Jerry: Kramer, it is not what you think.
Kramer: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh! I know what I think. I think you're gaga over this dame. She's twisted you around her little finger, and now, you're willing to sell me, and Elaine, and whoever else you have to, right down the river.
Jerry: And what about you? Tryin' to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune, built on sweat and toil, manufacturing quality O'Henry candy bars, for honest, hard-working Americans!
Kramer: You're just out for sex!
Jerry: You're just out for money!
Kramer & Jerry: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh!

Kramer: What do I need to talk for...ha! To blab to the neighbors about George has a new fem-Jerry friend or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend.

Kramer: Well I'll tell you what I think. I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated. You blew it boy! You really blew it! And you had to ruin it for him. Didn't you?!

Jerry: So you won't believe what happened with Whatley today. It got back to him that I made this little dentist joke and he got all offended. Those people can be so touchy.
Kramer: Those people, listen to yourself.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else, in search of a dream.
Jerry: Kramer, he's just a dentist.
Kramer: Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.
Jerry: I am not an anti-dentite!
Kramer: You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know you're saying they should have their own schools.
Jerry: They do have their own schools!